SMOG

aka smorg had a GREAT party tonight and broke her "girls at her house" record sooo hard. it was great. cherry bombs, high life, red dog, fun pack of eegee's mixed with liquor, party bowl of snacks, people offering me cigarettes let and right?! BOTTOM LINE: if you've never met her... bye.

on a more hideously hideous note.... ME. i was looking through my gmail to try to find pictures of some holiday that i spent with my friend eric and ended up finding a bunch of pictoos of myself from last summer when i was teensy-little and felt pretty awful about it. for a while i was calling the weight i've gained "happy weight" cause i wasn't the spokeswoman for depression anymore. lately though?! i kind of want to sacrifice my sanity for a tube top. i know i talk about my weight way too much on my bloRg, but i simply cannot stop thinking about it. in the last 40 days i've only worked 4 fucking hours and have probably gained about 5lbs. i hate it. i feel so awful and disgusting. i weigh (probably) about 20 more pounds this summer than i did the previous one. even thought i weigh (probably) like 20lbs less than i did in high school i still feel awful. ugggghhhh. i'm not grotesquely obese of anything but still feel gross. i wish i had some sort of ambition of self worth or whatever it is that makes people healthy.

i've been im such a bad mood since i haven't been working (FOR 40 DAYS). i'm snapping at my friends and family and not answering my phone and have hardly left my house. i know that about 5 days into my call center job i'm gonna be like "i wanna quit my job and just hnag out at home all day".

thank god i can remember how awful i felt (without a job) on something as asinine as blogger.com. good thing there's somewhere to just spew it all for anyone to see.

as of sunday i'm a 44 hour a week woman. by the way... i get discounts on wideo games now so...