July 1, 2010

i really hate palo verde beetles

it's coming to me in waves and i can't stop it. i've never been addicted to alcohol, cigarettes, marijuana or any other substance for that matter. i've never been addicted to sex or rage. i've never been hungry or longed for something. i've never sought adventure at every corner nor have i been excited to try something brand new.

i've only ever been manic.

in the last 2 months i took a brain vacation in my mom's guest room. i've bought too many floral dresses and haven't worn a pair of underwear or socks that wasn't brand new. i've been to jail and didn't feel sorry for myself once. i haven't felt sorry for myself in a while.

i can tell what's going on here and i'm sick of letting everyone into my business and get their own piece of the action. this is mine and i want it that way. i don't want to be the train wreck or the social fireworks that everyone watches anymore.

i want to wake up tomorrow and every day from here on out and concentrate only on myself and my own well being. i want to be healthy in both mind and body. i want to live in a tiny room all by myself and have it be mine. just mine.

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